Bah!
It may seem I've been silent and given up on this blog thing in the past month but in reality this is not true. I've been working on a post since 22nd June but something awful has happened! I don't like it. I'm not happy with it. I'm starting to sound like a wanker and I hate wanky bloggers! Now I'm starting to obsess about it, I work on it in meetings and on transport and constantly want to re-write the damn thing. All I wanted to do was write about that odd feeling you have when you return home from travelling overseas. How you see your life and city from a different perspective, how you wish to change your routine and make more time for being a tourist in your own city. To experience your own culture rather than taking it for granted, just because it's the way things are! Unfortunately this post indeed became far too long and all I had managed to write about was coffee. I even started recommending places! To be a coffee critic was not my intention, so of course I started to sound like a wanker! However as a Melbournian I have the inherent qualities required to be an excellent coffee critic.
I'm starting to do it again, bugger it!
To get to the point and bring some semblance of flow to this rant, I didn't want a blog to be about drafting bloody posts until I think it's perfect, until I'm happy with and think it's ready to be read by you. That's not me but it is me in a way, I like things to be just right, not a hair out of place but I'm not very good at it. I'm not a perfectionist but it's got to be perfect. Cue music...
Having this thought leads to another; the pursuit of perfection. However, as they say, nobody is perfect. Is this true? In our current state of being who we are, ourselves, aren't we then the perfect production of what our genetic makeup and/or destiny ordains us to be? Maybe not when you consider the odious beings that wander and create havoc upon our planet. Not to mention the royal stuff ups we've made 'looking after' our only home. Still I've got a crazy Mother Earth complex and I love everyone at once. Naive I know but I've got a soft spot for the souls around me.
Moving on.
Finding perfection in its way is finding happiness and we think those are states once achieved should be permanent and comfortably wrap around us like a warm blanket. In my experience that is a ridiculous notion and you should be shot for thinking otherwise! Happiness is both an elusive and easily attained state of mood but not a permanent one.
I will explain this from my perspective of 'being happy.' I've had enough experience with unhappiness and depression to question my choices, my existence and wonder why I still bother but the fleeting moments of happiness and perfection that come and go provide plenty of hope to push on through the shit. I've never known I was happy when I was happy, it's an unfamiliar state and not something easily recognised by one's self. The only way I've known I was happy was when another soul makes the comment, "you seem happy," and then like a bolt out of the blue, in a split second, you realise it's true. Your natural response without thinking is to agree and that is when you know all is well. Satisfaction achieved. For now.
Yes. For now. As I said it's not a permanent state, things change and they can be either small or big changes but they will change you. For example, the weather, a small thing we have no control over. I'm happier in summer, even when I'm broke and living on rice and cup-a-soups because it's warm. I turn into an insane melancholic banshee in winter no matter how well my life is going because I'm cold and it makes me lonely. I don't need to tell you what the big things are, we know what they are because when they change we all become emotional train-wrecks. The big things have taken me to the point of no emotion because I thought that was the best way to move on. I can't be hurt because I don't feel. I thought that was a good idea but I'm realising it's a poor attempt to wrap myself in cotton wool. That's something I'm now trying to undo, and when I'm finished I'm sure someone will say to me, "you seem happy."
I'll finish that post about experiencing your own culture someday too.
It may seem I've been silent and given up on this blog thing in the past month but in reality this is not true. I've been working on a post since 22nd June but something awful has happened! I don't like it. I'm not happy with it. I'm starting to sound like a wanker and I hate wanky bloggers! Now I'm starting to obsess about it, I work on it in meetings and on transport and constantly want to re-write the damn thing. All I wanted to do was write about that odd feeling you have when you return home from travelling overseas. How you see your life and city from a different perspective, how you wish to change your routine and make more time for being a tourist in your own city. To experience your own culture rather than taking it for granted, just because it's the way things are! Unfortunately this post indeed became far too long and all I had managed to write about was coffee. I even started recommending places! To be a coffee critic was not my intention, so of course I started to sound like a wanker! However as a Melbournian I have the inherent qualities required to be an excellent coffee critic.
I'm starting to do it again, bugger it!
To get to the point and bring some semblance of flow to this rant, I didn't want a blog to be about drafting bloody posts until I think it's perfect, until I'm happy with and think it's ready to be read by you. That's not me but it is me in a way, I like things to be just right, not a hair out of place but I'm not very good at it. I'm not a perfectionist but it's got to be perfect. Cue music...
Having this thought leads to another; the pursuit of perfection. However, as they say, nobody is perfect. Is this true? In our current state of being who we are, ourselves, aren't we then the perfect production of what our genetic makeup and/or destiny ordains us to be? Maybe not when you consider the odious beings that wander and create havoc upon our planet. Not to mention the royal stuff ups we've made 'looking after' our only home. Still I've got a crazy Mother Earth complex and I love everyone at once. Naive I know but I've got a soft spot for the souls around me.
Moving on.
Finding perfection in its way is finding happiness and we think those are states once achieved should be permanent and comfortably wrap around us like a warm blanket. In my experience that is a ridiculous notion and you should be shot for thinking otherwise! Happiness is both an elusive and easily attained state of mood but not a permanent one.
I will explain this from my perspective of 'being happy.' I've had enough experience with unhappiness and depression to question my choices, my existence and wonder why I still bother but the fleeting moments of happiness and perfection that come and go provide plenty of hope to push on through the shit. I've never known I was happy when I was happy, it's an unfamiliar state and not something easily recognised by one's self. The only way I've known I was happy was when another soul makes the comment, "you seem happy," and then like a bolt out of the blue, in a split second, you realise it's true. Your natural response without thinking is to agree and that is when you know all is well. Satisfaction achieved. For now.
Yes. For now. As I said it's not a permanent state, things change and they can be either small or big changes but they will change you. For example, the weather, a small thing we have no control over. I'm happier in summer, even when I'm broke and living on rice and cup-a-soups because it's warm. I turn into an insane melancholic banshee in winter no matter how well my life is going because I'm cold and it makes me lonely. I don't need to tell you what the big things are, we know what they are because when they change we all become emotional train-wrecks. The big things have taken me to the point of no emotion because I thought that was the best way to move on. I can't be hurt because I don't feel. I thought that was a good idea but I'm realising it's a poor attempt to wrap myself in cotton wool. That's something I'm now trying to undo, and when I'm finished I'm sure someone will say to me, "you seem happy."
I'll finish that post about experiencing your own culture someday too.
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