Upon returning to Melbourne after a recent sojourn to Malaysia (or anywhere really) I find myself longing to hurl myself into the culture of my town rather than immediately return to old habits. Old habits being those mundane things like daily life. You know what I mean; working too late, studying too little, lazing around the house nursing a hangover from some lovely bar I drank at the night before but could never tell you where it is because I was THAT drunk! And Mondays. Never forget Mondays. Possibly where the word mundane was derived from. Let's look it up, shall we?
Yep, boring to the point of being painful shit...
Enough with Mondays, let's get back to the task at hand, thrusting myself into the culture Lady Melbs has to offer yet I don't make enough time for. If I only had one more day here what would I do? Discuss.
Ah Melbourne temperamental city of culinary delights, hidden sights and dizzying heights. There is only one way to start the day and that is with the glorious hot bitter treat squeezed straight from the devil's teat, I call it my god but you may know it as COFFEE.
Coffee in Melbs is old news, we've been drinking it forever, at least since the 1950s, although there is evidence of coffee houses from the 1880s and Lygon St cafe's are still bickering over who brought the first Gaggia down under while the rest of us wonder what the hell third wave is and should we try cupping? Flirty baristas have successfully overrun the this town but we don't mind because we love the stuff they pour into paper/ceramic/keep cups. We mostly love it because it makes us feel superior to other Australian capital cities or any where that isn't Melbourne or its surrounds, not to mention it makes us feel like we have enough cred to call ourselves a European city. We rock way harder than Sydney anyway. All they have is a bridge and extensively overpriced public transport. Ours is only moderately overpriced. We win.
Sorry. Every opportunity to bag Sydney. I take it. Don't we all?
Let me reheat the coffee. You could go on a walking tour, but you are not going to get much of Melbs out of that. If you want a decent cup of coffee, apply this rule; lots of people, a coffee menu written on a blackboard and an array of baked goods that look remarkably home-made. Many good folk will tell you to try Pelligrini's, the last coffee I had there was burnt and revolting. However their Italian hot chocolate, is ITALIAN HOT CHOCOLATE, bitter and brilliant!!
Bugger this is getting long and I've rambled quite a bit about coffee. It doesn't even take this long to get one from a crappy express espresso stall!
Where to go from here? To the market of course! There are a few markets in and around Melbourne, for sentimentality's sake I'll be recommending Queen Vic Market, it's been around since the 1870s so it should knows its stuff. On route to the market, stop and admire the City Baths, another gorgeous building in Melbs. I love our buildings. I'm one of those odd people you see ambling through the streets, intermittently stopping to take photos of gardens, homes and whatever takes my fancy. I can't explain it but it warms the cold black lump in my chest.
Yep, boring to the point of being painful shit...
Enough with Mondays, let's get back to the task at hand, thrusting myself into the culture Lady Melbs has to offer yet I don't make enough time for. If I only had one more day here what would I do? Discuss.
Ah Melbourne temperamental city of culinary delights, hidden sights and dizzying heights. There is only one way to start the day and that is with the glorious hot bitter treat squeezed straight from the devil's teat, I call it my god but you may know it as COFFEE.
Coffee in Melbs is old news, we've been drinking it forever, at least since the 1950s, although there is evidence of coffee houses from the 1880s and Lygon St cafe's are still bickering over who brought the first Gaggia down under while the rest of us wonder what the hell third wave is and should we try cupping? Flirty baristas have successfully overrun the this town but we don't mind because we love the stuff they pour into paper/ceramic/keep cups. We mostly love it because it makes us feel superior to other Australian capital cities or any where that isn't Melbourne or its surrounds, not to mention it makes us feel like we have enough cred to call ourselves a European city. We rock way harder than Sydney anyway. All they have is a bridge and extensively overpriced public transport. Ours is only moderately overpriced. We win.
Sorry. Every opportunity to bag Sydney. I take it. Don't we all?
Let me reheat the coffee. You could go on a walking tour, but you are not going to get much of Melbs out of that. If you want a decent cup of coffee, apply this rule; lots of people, a coffee menu written on a blackboard and an array of baked goods that look remarkably home-made. Many good folk will tell you to try Pelligrini's, the last coffee I had there was burnt and revolting. However their Italian hot chocolate, is ITALIAN HOT CHOCOLATE, bitter and brilliant!!
Bugger this is getting long and I've rambled quite a bit about coffee. It doesn't even take this long to get one from a crappy express espresso stall!
Where to go from here? To the market of course! There are a few markets in and around Melbourne, for sentimentality's sake I'll be recommending Queen Vic Market, it's been around since the 1870s so it should knows its stuff. On route to the market, stop and admire the City Baths, another gorgeous building in Melbs. I love our buildings. I'm one of those odd people you see ambling through the streets, intermittently stopping to take photos of gardens, homes and whatever takes my fancy. I can't explain it but it warms the cold black lump in my chest.
Ooh pretty
Stock up on bread, cheeses, fruits, cold meats, whatever tickles your fancy and is ready to eat. Next stop is one of the gardens around the city for a picnic or what I like to call, a park party. Please keep your wine in that brown bag, public drinking is forbidden but we do it anyway. I like the Cartlon Gardens, it's surrounded by attractive terraces and has that lovely big old building in the middle of it. Besides every wanker heads to the Royal Botanical Gardens, that place has been done to death!
If you are feeling lazy and can't be bothered catching a tram or walking the short distance up Victoria St, take your wine and nibbles to Flagstaff Gardens. I like Flagstaff and I feel sorry for it, the train station there is closed on the weekends, so I wonder if many stop into the gardens on the weekend. Shame, it's pretty and hilly and a good spot to sit and stare at clouds.
At this point, I'd like to make it known that some pictures are from Google and some are my own work. Obviously the one above is not.
After an afternoon wining and dining outdoors on what is a hopefully sunny day it's time to check out some laneways. My personal favourites are;
- Meyers Place for it's entertainment value,
- Windsor Place because I love looking upon the red pipes across the red bricks at the back of the hotel and the hidden doorways opposite,
- Corrs Lane because it leads me to Chinatown through an oddly narrow gap on Lonsdale St, and
- Heffernan Lane, or as I like to call it Confucious Alley...
Note the parking signs are not all from the council.
We'll come back for dumplings later. After we've been to the footy! Farkin yeah! Woo! Football!
In the link to Waleed Aly's article above you may read that we are an intellectually superior city to Melbourne, that is until we get on to the topic of Aussie Rules. We are fanatical about men running around in tight shorts groping at each other to gain control of a leather encased rubber bladder. Why wouldn't you be? It's a love/hate relationship you have with the game and your team, at least for me anyway. Carlton have been breaking my heart for some time now but I'll never give them up, not for anything.
See what I mean, we're sensible until we talk about the footy.
Off to the G for a match, that's what we'll do next! Not that bloody Etihad/Telstra/Colonial/Whatthehellisitcallednow Stadium, that place has no soul. The MCG does. Enough said.
Going to the footy is an energetic and awesome experience even if your team isn't playing. The excitement and anticipation flows from one crowd member to another and you can't help but absorbing and releasing a truckload of passion as you munch down a pie, burn your tongue and wish you had more tomato sauce. (I'm not saying I'm eating the pie. I'm a pescetarian and I'll probably decline the overpriced food in favour of the overpriced beer.) I wish I was at the footy now, I wish I could afford to be a member and go every week, I wish I had the time to go every week.
I was going to insert some photographic evidence of the transformation from normal to nuts every footy fan goes through but all I could find were pictures of Collingwood supporters and it's not much of a change for them.
Surprisingly, no photos of mental Carlton fans. We might be losing, but we have class.
I know I'm rambling quite a bit about Melbs and have written far too much about coffee. It's the reason a blanket apology can be found at the top of the page. I just want to record this idea before it disappears.
After the footy, walk very slowly with tens of thousands of people back to the city or Richmond train station. It's time for dumplings in Chinatown!! Hooray!
I love Chinatown, the way it smells, the way you need to walk on the right side of the footpath, the food hanging in the windows of shops, the little hidden bars, the hospitality, the self service of tea. It's freaking fantastic! Hutong's is the best in the area but for cheap and cheerful head to Shanghai Village. Avoid the queue and being rushed through your meal, don't go to Camy Shanghai Dumpling House. Now I want dumplings for dinner...
Shanghai Village and Corrs Lane. Ahhhh
After stuffing ourselves with the goodness of Chinese cuisine we'll need a drink...
I am not going to even try and recommend where to have a drink, most places are good most of the time and sometimes they're not. I prefer rooftop bars like the Carlton Club or open spaces like Section 8. I like the music to not be crap and I like the staff to be welcoming rather than uppity! When I've imbibed enough I will be looking for somewhere to dance and it will likely be Yah Yahs in Smith St. I hope a band is playing, I totally forgot to mention our live music scene. It rocks!
That'll do pig. That'll do.
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