Friday, October 12, 2012

Oh Melbourne, please...

Here we are. October. It's only 14 bloody degrees today!!

Today as you find the weather you will also find me a miserable creature indeed. To ease the pain/exhaustion/hormonal imbalance I thought a little expression of thought may help. 

I also need some water...just a minute.



Right.  Where do I begin?  The weather my emotions are bound to it's highs and lows, like many other good folk in this world.  With the grey skies enveloping my office today I wonder if Summer will ever return?  The last two Summers have been barely a blip on the radar.  I've had affairs with severely uninteresting men last longer than the Summers of 2011 and 2012 and it makes me very cross.  It also makes me lethargic, catty and heightens my sense of self-loathing.  I'm particularly hating on myself today.  I hate my hair, I hate my dress, I hate that pimple, I hate the constant hunger pangs, I hate the bloating, I hate the constipation*, I hate where the world is going today, I hate that I haven't fallen in love with someone for a really long time, I hate my back pain, I hate my period going on hiatus for no apparent reason**, I hate that I have to study for an exam I don't want to do for an industry I'm only working in to pay the mortgage, I hate my apartment, I hate that I'm anti-relationship, I hate my waistline, I hate changes in AML legislation, I hate the metallic taste I've had in my mouth for the last 24 hours, I hate that I only have $50 in my wallet to last me until payday, I hate my borderline alcoholism, I hate that I haven't written a post in ages, I hate that I want to smoke again***

OK that's enough hate.  On a positive note, I listened to Lisa Mitchell's new album today and I didn't hate it.  It's cute and fun and possible better than her first. A moot point, but a random thought and that would be the purpose of my blog.  I think...

What a cutie!

Although if you want to see a real cutie, see my friend's blog http://maxsstory-faith.blogspot.com.au/.  It'd be nice if you helped raise awareness of infant stroke too.

I'm tired and the weather isn't helping, nor are the random noises and building shakes that are coming from construction teams within and without this 20 year old structure on Collins Street.  The good news is that our toilets are going to be renovated next, so I'll be able to hear the banging, screeching and shouting at an even closer range!  And for someone with a small bladder and efficient kidneys who can barely leave her desk at the first urge anyway, I'm really looking forward to the dash I'll have to make to the next floor down to relieve myself! Hooray!!!

I heart sarcasm, don't you?

One day I will own this T-shirt
(and maybe be this small again?)

It's 4pm in the office and it's Friday.  Pens down and beers up people!

Jax - having a bunch of random depressed thoughts.


*I quit smoking, as a result some things quit moving.
**Not pregnant, note 'no apparent reason.'
***I haven't smoked, I just want to, to get things moving you know...

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I lost two years of my life... Thanks Pfizer!

I haven't had a new idea or a silly thought to expand upon for a couple of months now. I noticed and the good folk around me noticed too. I knew why but it's something I'm reluctant to address.

You can't see them but there are long pauses between every word, every sentence. Ghosts of hard to catch thought.

From the title I hope you've inferred my reference to memory loss and pharmaceuticals. I am referring to the little blue or white or yellow pills that play with your neurotransmitters to make you feel happier. They also make you gain weight, lose libido and in my case stifle creative thought. Although all of the above do and did apply. This list is not exhaustive and I firmly believe we are all affected differently by the same meds, foods, drinks, weather etc.

I'm taking varicline xxx at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I feel fricking awesome!! I'm having the best dreams, I'm feeling good, I'm less stressed and I achieved the aim of taking these puppies. I quit smoking. Yay!

But at what price?

Who cares. I've only a month to go and I'm not as broke as I usually am.

No. There have been problems. Nausea. Fatigue. Vagueness. Anti-social behaviour (I can't be bothered going out). Alcohol problems (my constitution has weakened and I can't drink like I used to - not really bad, just annoying). The worst in my opinion is the lack of thoughts and ideas that usually swim around in my brain. I miss them. They're funny.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Call me James Brown

I feel good.

However.

I am a little empty. Silly thoughts and their expansion into blog posts have gone AWOL.

I am having several lucid dreams a night and if dreams are an indicator of anything, I missed my calling as an action script writer.